11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize