I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
