If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
