She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone came in the potted fern
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
