imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
