I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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