I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
