Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you had me at cake vodka
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
