It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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