I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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