We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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