and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
