So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
