I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
