just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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