Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
