I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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