I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
