I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize