its not stalking. its research.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
