it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
