i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize