Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
