We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
