i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The uberlube is also flammable
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize