So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
