I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize