Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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