I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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