The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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