I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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