I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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