More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
