I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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