do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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