no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
