what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
