I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize