How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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