Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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