I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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