So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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