I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
