piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
