Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
