I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
