I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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