Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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