If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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