If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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