I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
