when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
