Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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