I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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