just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
