not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
