Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize