So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
