I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
