I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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