I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
