woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
