Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
