Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
