I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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